Positivity

I think it is important to carefully look at the positive sides of everything I do and everything I come across in life. It is all to easy to become cynical and neglect to consider the possible positive effects people, companies, institutions, and products can have, and to become misanthropic. Example needed

The 10 steps to happiness.

The 10 steps to happiness

1. Plant something and nurture it
   
2. Count your blessings - at least five - at the end of each day
   
3. Take time to talk - have an hour-long conversation with a loved one each week
   
4. Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while and arrange to meet up
   
5. Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it
   
6. Have a good laugh at least once a day
   
7. Get physical - exercise for half an hour three times a week
   
8. Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once each day
   
9. Cut your TV viewing by half
   
10. Spread some kindness - do a good turn for someone every day
    

Try to help others

I should try to help others rather than focusing on the problems in my life. In doing so I will be safe in the knowledge that my motives are are correct and this will give me the confidence to deal with any given situation. It may be necessary to be careful in offering help as this may be taken as questioning someones abilities if they do not know me well enough to be sure of my good intentions. So it is important to choose the words carefully.

Introduction.

First of all, I hear you say 'what is Agape'? Well, there are three different types of love - Eros, Philia and Agape. Eros is love of a sexual nature and Philia is an affection that could denote either brotherhood or generally non-sexual affection. Agape, which I think is the most beautiful, is unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love for another person or affection for an activity. Thomas Jay Oord has defined agape as "an intentional response to promote well-being when responding to that which has generated ill-being." I have always thought of Agape as being the most pure form love as it is born out of a compassion and sincere desire to create happiness within others, but I think Agape is probably the most difficult type of the love to nurture and grow within oneself. It is all too easy for me to be cynical about the world and the motivations of others and to this can lead to a lack of love for activities in life. For example if I saw a bloke dancing alone in a club it would be easy to take the a negative attitude towards him by thinking to myself "look at that saddo. Where's his friends?!?", but I should be saying to myself "there is a guy who is enjoying the music and the atmosphere so much that he just had to get up and dance. Good on him!"

Most of the time I don't think about what I really desire. What I do is think about that I SHOULD do, what would be the RIGHT THING to do, what would be best to do or worry about offending another person. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I am aware that I am not thinking through properly what I want and this awareness makes me uneasy when making decisions. So I must remind myself to take a deep breath, relax and think about what it is that I really desire. For example when choosing what food I should eat I worry about consider how healthy the food is, how many calories are in the food, which vitamins are in it, how well it will hydrate me, how much sugar is in it but do not give much thought to the flavour I desire most. This had lead me to enjoy my food less and eat a rather limited variety of foods. The problem is a not lack of effort in preparing food, an unwillingness to try new things or not even an unwillingness to put the mental effort into thinking of new things, although this last problem may be a symptom of the real problem. The problem and root cause is that I am not in touch with my desires and do not know how to please myself. If I was to sit down and clear my mind and say I really want to have tender melt in the mouth roast beef, with floury potato's with some real butter on top I would then have the impetus to go out and hunt down the ingredients and make the meal.
Another example would be with relationships. Until recently I have not thought much about what I want out of a relationship or the type of person I would like to go out with. I have worried about what sort of person I need to be to attract women. How funny I need to be, what clothes to ware, how not to offend, how to come across the right way. I would see a hot girl and decide that I liked her without first considering weather she was a nice person, polite, considerate, interesting, respectful or charismatic. Without attempting to judge weather she was the type of person I could like I would start worrying about how to impress her. This has put a lot of pressure on me to preform when talking to girls. A much better approach would be to think of it as 'interviewing' the girl, and only when I have decided that she is friendly, respectful, caring, interesting and 'cool' enough should I consider flirting. This would take the pressure out of the situation and making it more relaxing for me and therefore more relaxing for her. Basically I need to have more respect for myself and play it cool - Have a more positive outlook.

So what does this have to do with Agape? Well I am not really sure, I will have to give it some more thought. It may be that I need to develop more love and respect for myself and order to be able to love others more. I might have to pick a less grand title for my blog.